Good Enuf is the New Perfect

When did being good enough become not enough? I can’t think of anyone I know who’d be excited to get a “good enough” review. Everybody wants to be the best. Or at least, great! Everyone walks around completely frustrated with what they didn’t get accomplished instead of being satisfied, let alone happy, with what they did. Is it just an evolutionary thing… that we had to focus on the negative in order to survive and now we’re just fostering a bad habit that is no longer serving us… or is there more to it?

Why is this tendency to walk around feeling that we are never good enough so prevalent? I think somewhere along the line, we took the notion that anything is possible a little too far. While it’s true that there are people who can do great things… I don’t necessarily believe that any person can do anything they want. Not every kid who wants to get into Yale makes it. Not every person who wants to be a famous actor or singer will make it big. If you think about it, that’s a heck of a lot of pressure on the person thinking that if they just try hard enough, they can be and do anything they want. All of a sudden, there are no boundaries, no guidelines… no reality checks.

Now, this might seem like an odd way to start back on the blogging circuit! I don’t mean to sound so pessimistic, stepping on the dreams of our youth. But the truth is, this whole ‘gotta be the best’ mentality has stopped me cold on numerous occasions as I’ve thought about getting back to writing. What if it’s not good? Or worse, really bad? What if no one cares? Are we creating a world where people are afraid to fail? And if failing isn’t part of the process, then you certainly aren’t pushing yourself to do anything great… because greatness comes with lots of learnings (aka failures). Come to think of it, maybe that’s exactly (or close to) the recipe to greatness… try, good enough, try, fail, try, good enough, try, fail, (fail, fail, fail), try, better, try, fail, try, great!!

Make no mistake… allowing yourself to be simply ‘good enough’ takes courage… it requires feeling the fear of not being good enough and doing it anyway. It’s recognizing that good enough gets you into the arena… while waiting to be perfect keeps you in the stands. I’m realizing that, at least for me, a whole life of good enough is better than a list of regrets for things that didn’t happen because I was trying to get it perfect or scared I wouldn’t be the best. So, I’m going to hold the fear of not good enough, not long enough, not relevant enough, not witty enough… and I’m going to click the ‘publish’ button anyway. Because in case you haven’t heard… good enuf is the new perfect!

Inside Out Job

I’ve been listening to derek rydall talk about giving away what you want. In his course, Emergineering, he explains that everything in our lives happens through us… not to us, as we’ve been taught to believe. It’s an interesting concept. I’m a big fan of Debbie Ford, whose focus is on shadow work. One of the main premises of shadow work is that we hold within us every emotion, every characteristic, everything. It’s a little wild… and it’s definitely different from everything we’re normally taught. This idea that Derek talks about is that happiness… or anything else you want in your life… is an inside job. In order to have more of something in your life… instead of going out and getting it… or relying on some external source to give it to you… you must go inside yourself and cultivate it from within.

Derek offers an exercise that was helpful to me. Imagine yourself having just won the lottery. You close your eyes and really feel into the state of financial abundance. You have millions of dollars at your disposal and millions in the bank.  If you really get into the exercise, you can have fun imagining all that you’ll buy, how your life will change, how safe and secure it feels to be in this state of abundance.  Once you open your eyes, the “reality” is that you did not win the lottery and you do not have millions at your disposal or in the bank. But you created, just through your mind, the experience of abundance – without actually having it. The feeling of abundance is within us… it is not dependent on anything outside of ourselves in order to feel it, nor is it guaranteed to be present because of any specific external cue. Look at the plethora of professional athletes who make millions and are broke and do not feel safe or secure.
We are taught that in order to feel differently, we must go out in the world and get stuff, learn stuff, meet the right people and get the right breaks. The reality that we are not taught, however, is that our internal state is what dictates our external circumstances. If you are experiencing lack in your life, you – on some level- are holding a mentality of lack. Now at first you might resist this statement, but how many of you have complained about not having enough money in the past week? If you’re like most people, then thinking, feeling or commenting on not having enough is a regular occurrence in your daily life. In fact, it’s amazing that I have any money at all considering how common and easy it is to complain about what I don’t have, what’s not working, etc.

Here’s an activity for you… Take one area of your life where you feel lack. Whether it’s money, respect, love… whatever stands out to you as something you really want and feel like you don’t have. For the next week, notice all the ways that you embody that lack. When you notice it, make an active attempt to shift your internal state. How can you be more loving and emanate love to yourself and others? How can you be more respectful? How can you be more giving (of money, time or resources) so that you emanate a state of wealth and abundance? I know for myself this feels like a major challenge. To consider that everything I have and how I feel every minute of every day is all a direct mirror of my internal state is… well… overwhelming and challenging for me to grasp and accept. Yet, at the same time, there is a part of me that resonates when I hear this concept and really believes this is true. No judgment. Simply notice and se if you are able to shift your internal state on a regular basis toward more of what you want rather than what you don’t want.

Consciousness always clothes itself in form. ~Derek Rydall

Enjoy your week and let me know how it goes! Love and laughter!  ~Rashel

Busy… Busy… Busy

I slowed down this week. I guess it happened because I’m tired (refer to last week’s post). The bottom line is this… I liked it. I stopped trying to “get it all done” … and it felt nice. My son had hockey on Saturday night and a good portion of the day Sunday. Instead of trying to fit 500 things in between driving here and there and bed… I allowed myself to be present and really enjoy the weekend. When we got home from hockey on Sunday afternoon, I felt like I should be cleaning… and doing laundry… and at least thinking about dinner. Instead, I took Lucy (our chocolate lab) for a walk. It felt good to walk… to take time for myself… to sweat a little and enjoy the outdoors.

So, the lesson is… slow down. The thing is… it’s hard to do! As much as I enjoyed it, the toilets need to be cleaned and there are dishes in the sink. I have one day off per week and I’m so thankful for it. On most Monday’s, I vacillate between taking time for myself and trying to get done everything on my to-do list. It’s a long list. I won’t go into it here. You’re welcome.

The crazy thing is that there are always 500 more things to do! It is never done. The house is never clean enough… potentially save that 5 minutes after you finish a cleaning frenzy… but other than that – no. Grocery shopping… continuous – if you like eating. Bills… yes, they keep coming. Laundry… dishes… cooking… you get the gist.

So, I guess this gets back to my post last week about wanting to leave a legacy. On some level, having re-read my last post, that is what it was all about… I want to leave a legacy but I’m too tired to find the time. I think there is a fear that if I slow down… if I allow myself to just be present in this moment and not push myself to do the other things… I won’t have time to do anything big. Not pushing myself to do “more” seems like settling for less than what I want. And yet… I don’t necessarily believe that more is always better. Sometimes more is just… more!

Maybe the trick is to come up with a set of core values that helps you decide what to focus on or whether to spend time and energy on a project or not. I’m thinking of Zappo’s – I read the book Delivering Happiness and loved it – in it they talk about how Zappo’s developed a set of core values that each employee could base decisions on. It’s a great idea for empowerment… instead of having to get approval on every question that comes up, the employees are empowered to answer the questions themselves by reviewing the list of core values. Zappo’s has a very cool culture and set of core values… check out  http://about.zappos.com/our-unique-culture/zappos-core-values

I wonder what would happen if I based decisions on a set of carefully constructed core values. Fun would definitely be a core value. I’m not sure cleaning toilets would be considered fun. I guess, potentially, there would be something about cleanliness and personal hygiene. Then again, maybe there would be something about hiring someone to do the jobs that do not make you happy!!

Here’s what I suggest… let’s make a set of core values and start basing out decisions on them! What do you say? Couldn’t hurt, right? Would it throw our world in a tail spin? Or maybe the better question is… would the tail spin that is inevitable proceed by spiraling in a good direction or not?

Let me know what you come up with on your list of core values… and how it goes basing decisions on them!

Love and laughter to you!  ~Rashel