Spiritual Baby Steps

"Doing" spirituality in the real world

Archive for the tag “desire”

Who Am I?

Sometimes I feel like I have multiple people living in my body. One morning I wake up happy… smile on my face… caring and empathic… loving the world — and then there are the other days. One minute I’m happy and content… and the next I’m moody and irritable. Some days I eat healthy, drink lots of water, exercise, go to bed early… but often I don’t.

What gives? Why such variation and self-sabotage? I know that staying up until 2am watching TV is going to make me feel bad the next day… and yet – I continue to do it. Not every night… but consistently. And what about all the other things I do that I know aren’t good for me… aren’t healthy… won’t make me feel better in the long run… Why?

How many people out there consistently make good choices that support their overall health and well-being? Surely there must be a few? I feel like there might be some kind of link to spirituality… connecting your daily choices with your inner guidance. I’m just not sure where that inner guru goes sometimes. And it makes me wonder… do I get disconnected from the inner guidance and end up making bad choices… or do the bad choices disconnect me from the inner guidance?

What does it take to get clear and consistently make good choices? I’d be the first to tell you that I want to get clear. I like to set intentions, create vision boards and write out goals. But here’s the thing… I don’t feel clear. I feel a constant struggle to figure out what I want.  As I consider why I’m not getting clear… I have to ask myself the question, “what’s good about not being clear?” If you’re doing something… or not doing something… there’s always a reason. If there wasn’t some benefit (unconscious, made-up, or otherwise illogical as it may be), you wouldn’t do it.

Here’s what I realized. If I’m clear, then there’s no question what I want (I know… seems obvious… but stay with me here). If I know what I want, then I should say what I want. But what if I don’t want to say what I want? What if I can’t get what I want? What if it causes conflict if I say what I want? What if other people think I’m selfish for saying what I want? I really, really, really don’t like conflict. Now it starts to make more sense… I start to realize that there are a lot of reasons why getting clear isn’t happening so easily.

So maybe there are multiple personalities living within me. Maybe part of spiritual growth has to do with aligning the various parts of your soul? Uncovering the various hidden beliefs that drive our less-than-ideal choices and bringing them to light. I’d like to say that simply making these connections and having these realizations has allowed me to be able to say exactly what I want at all times. That’s what I’d like to say. Instead, what I can say is that I think it’s a start.

And for that I am grateful.  ~Rashel

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Manifestation or Coincidence?

I’d like to call this my manifestation success story. You be the judge.

I was making dinner recently using my Pampered Chef stoneware baking pan. I pulled the pan out of the oven and the pan broke right in half. Luckily, by some small miracle, the pork loin flew onto the stove top and did not land on the floor (dinner saved!). Not so luckily, the pan piece that broke off flew right into my hand and took a chunk out of my middle finger. (Irony? Murphy’s law? Whatever!) By the next week, I was mostly recovered… but the nagging desire to use my PC baking stone had not gone away. I was talking with my family about Easter brunch, and was specifically requested to make bacon using the PC stoneware, which always makes perfect bacon! I checked with my Mom to see if she had a piece of stoneware that I could borrow. She said she might and would check for me.

Like other desires that I’ve had in the past, the desire to have a PC stoneware baking dish was clear. That’s about where the similarity to any other desire/manifestation attempts by me… ends! Unlike other situations (basket, anyone?), I did not obsess about getting the stoneware. I did not plan in my mind how I was going to get the stoneware. I did not tell other people that I would get the stoneware (be ready, cause the stoneware people could interrupt us at any time to hand me my new basket… I mean, pan!).

And… here’s the fun part. As my daughter and I were driving home on Saturday, we passed a sign for a garage sale a couple of streets down from our house. My daughter asked if we could go. I said, “no.” After we got home, she still wanted to go and I told her if we walked, I would take her (Just for the record, I’m not a big garage sale person and did not have plans to shop. In my mind, I was just using this as an excuse to get outside, spend time with my daughter and get some exercise!). So… we walk down to the garage sale. LO AND BEHOLD… there is the exact same PC stoneware baking pan that I had broken. Not only that, the price tag was priceless… $2!!! Not a typo… I said, “TWO DOLLARS”! This is a pan that I’m pretty sure I paid around $50 for back in the day. I was completely giddy with the whole event.

Now, some may argue that this event is just a coincidence. But, since I don’t believe in coincidence, I’m going to have to go with curtain number two… manifestation! Now, if I could just apply these principles to all my manifestation attempts… don’t think about it too much…  lose all attachment to getting what I want or deciding how it needs to come to me… letting go of all expectation around timeline…  well, I think I’d be in business! Alas, this is why manifestation is easy and hard at the same time. I couldn’t even begin to argue that the manifestation of the PC  stoneware was difficult. I barely thought about it! What’s difficult is manipulating our thinking brains into believing… letting go… and allowing. In this case, it happened without much “thinking” on my part. Therein may be the trick! There is no way in a million years that my thinking brain could have come up with a garage sale as the means to getting the stoneware pan. Also, the timeline was uncanny… Saturday – the day before Easter brunch at our house where I was responsible for the bacon. I know, right?!!!

So, what’s the take-away? Well, this experience has definitely made me think about how I go about trying to manifest what I want. Being clear on what I want is important. But… much more than that from my thinking brain seems to just get in the way. The challenge. if you choose to accept it, seems to be clearly defining what you want and then letting go of any need to have that exact thing or have anything like that thing on any kind of timeline. Easy, right? Yeah… I’m with ya!! Please do let me know how you make out!

Love and laughter to you!  ~Rashel

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