What I’m learning about me…
a) I don’t like diets.
b) Diets make me feel like a failure.
c) I really dislike it when other people are better at something than me.
In general, I think of myself as a pretty easy-going person. I could tell though when I started playing this game that my competitive edges were starting to stick out a bit. Then we started tallying our points and our scorekeeper sent out spreadsheets and graphs with a comparison of our points and the various team rankings. Yikes! My competitive edge went into overdrive and I did not like it… I became my own worst drill sergeant. So… the second week, just to recap, I did well on points but I was pretty miserable. One thing that struck clearly… I don’t like being told that I can’t have something. I could feel my visceral reaction when my daughter was asking people if they wanted thin mints and when she got to me she said, “Oh Mommy… right… you can’t have these.” Mama say what??? I’ll tell you what… I see a BOX of thin mints in my near future!
Yesterday one of my teammates sent out an email asking who might want to be scorekeeper for the next Game on. I had a HUH? moment. I was so confused. I was barely managing to get through this 4 week session and she was already talking about the next round. I literally wanted to crawl through the computer and smack her (Sorry, Carol, if you’re reading this, but it’s true!) It made me wonder… what makes some people respond so well to peer pressure and game playing, while others do not. Or is it just that I’m really bad at this game so I don’t like it? I’m certainly not even entertaining the idea of a round 2. Regardless of weight lost… which has been only a couple of pounds, I have no intention of putting myself through the constant vigilance of paying attention to when I eat, how I eat, what kind of fat, how many hours ago, how many hours til I have to eat again… too much obsession with food! I can do a little planning, but this is extreme.
As I finish out my final week, I’m starting to think about what I’ll be able to carry on with me outside of the game environment. I know I will be drinking more water and eating more fruits and vegetables. I’m definitely sticking with the whole grain bread… It is so much tastier and more fulfilling than white bread! I already walk regularly, but I’ve never really incorporated the resistance training piece before. I like the idea of doing weights and some old-fashioned calisthenics on the days I don’t walk. I’m pretty sure I won’t be sticking to the eating pattern… it might be healthier to eat 5 smeals (my word for the little mini meals you eat on this plan) a day… but it is so utterly inconvenient!
Here’s what I know for sure (to steal a little Oprah moment)… I know that I am not what I eat, or how I look in any given moment. To love and accept myself as I am is the first step toward wholeness. Does that mean I throw away the rules and eat like a glutton? Of course not… that would not be loving myself. Showing up… paying attention… accepting… loving… forgiving… and taking the next step forward. These are the things that make for a good day.
Spiritual Baby Steps 
Amen sister! It’s a courageous challenge to try something new, this diet for example. I commend your wisdom of knowing what works and does not work and for saying it. Often change comes from the knowing, not the doing. Thank you for sharing your journey.